


What (Not) to Ask Your Girlfriend's Sister

by caitirin



Series: The Tale of Lyra Lavellan:  Tornado of Stabby Death and Rift Closer Extraordinaire [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Awkward Cullen Rutherford, Cullen Rutherford Fluff, F/M, Lyra really likes stabbing things, Relationship Advice, Rogue Inquisitor - Freeform, Sweet Cullen Rutherford, short and sweet, talk about sex, tornado of stabby death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-05-26 05:34:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14993891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caitirin/pseuds/caitirin
Summary: Cullen is worried that the Inquisitor is under too much stress and he wants to help her.  So he asks her sister Saoirse Lavellan for some advice on what to do.---“What’s on your mind, Cullen?  I’m all ears.”  She pointed at her long pointed ears with an amused grin.  He didn’t seem to have noticed the joke.  Saoirse shook her head with a smile and folded her arms and rested them on her knees as she looked at him.“I am concerned about the Inquisitor,”  he started.Saoirse snorted.  “Cullen, she’s my sister and your girlfriend.  You can just call her Lyra.  Lose the formality for a few minutes.  It won’t kill you.  Probably.”





	What (Not) to Ask Your Girlfriend's Sister

**Author's Note:**

  * For [elaby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elaby/gifts).



“Mistress Lavellan?”  Cullen approached Saoirse Lavellan somewhat nervously.  He’d never quite gotten used to the way that she liked to sit up in the trees when she wasn’t spending time with Sera or the Inquisitor, Lyra Lavellan.  A few days after their arrival in Skyhold, this tiny blonde elf woman had arrived, nearly battering down the door demanding to see her sister and threatening all kinds of violence and property damage if she wasn’t allowed inside.  She’d injured, not seriously, three Inquisition soldiers before Lyra had been fetched and verified her identity. They’d been thick as thieves ever since.

Saoirse leaned backwards to hang by her knees from a low branch so she could talk to Cullen.  “Hello Commander, what do you need?”

“I was hoping you might have a few moments to talk.”  Cullen struggled with his posture, feeling like he needed to turn himself upside down to talk to someone who was upside down.  He fidgeted nervously.

Saoirse suppressed a giggle at his obvious discomfort and decided to take pity on him.  She lowered herself down out of the tree and sat down in the shade. She patted the ground next to her, inviting him to join.  Could he even sit down on the ground in all that armor?

He could.  He joined Saoirse on the ground.  

“What’s on your mind, Cullen?  I’m all ears.” She pointed at her long pointed ears with an amused grin.  He didn’t seem to have noticed the joke. Saoirse shook her head with a smile and folded her arms and rested them on her knees as she looked at him.

“I am concerned about the Inquisitor,”  he started.

Saoirse snorted.  “Cullen, she’s my sister and your girlfriend.  You can just call her Lyra. Lose the formality for a few minutes.  It won’t kill you. Probably.”

Cullen smiled down at his hands.  “I suppose you are right. I confess that I find it difficult to set it aside at times.  I find a great deal of comfort in order and tidiness. None of which ever seem to apply to Lyra.”  He smiled a little bit at this.

Saoirse watched him as he spoke, each word carefully chosen and thought about.  So unlike the way she and Lyra acted, launching themselves through life as though it were a race and every second counted.  “Hey, they do always say that opposites attract. And you’re not entirely unfortunate looking. Got good hair.”

Cullen laughed quietly.  “I will take the compliment.  Thank you.” He looked out over the grounds of Skyhold.  “Things have been difficult lately; I know you’ve all been worried about your Clan, with all the trouble with the Duke.  We’re asking her to take on so much, and she always seems to manage it, but I can tell that it weighs on her. I want to be able to help ease the burden.”  He rubbed the back of his neck and looked over at Saoirse. “I was hoping you might be able to suggest some things I might do for her that she would enjoy. Something to help her relax, perhaps.”

That was too good an opportunity not to take the bait.  “Well, sex is always fun and relaxing.”

Cullen almost choked.  His face had gone bright red and he seemed to be shrinking into his pauldrons.  “Maker’s Breath, Saoirse! I meant something like...” He gestured helplessly. “I don’t know.”

Saoirse laughed out loud.  “Andraste’s Knickers, you should have seen your face!”  She rocked back against the tree as her shoulders shook with giggles.  She cleared her throat. “Seriously though, I mean you could take her hunting, but that means a lot of time away from Skyhold that no one has.  She likes stabbing things, but I don’t think she’d want to stab you, so that idea’s out. She’s been working with Bull to try to perfect this technique where he tosses her and she rains down stabby death, but again, not really something you could do with her.”

Cullen, still blushing a little, was paying close attention.  His expression was just so earnest and he was actually listening.  

Saoirse felt an odd kind of fondness.  How on earth could this be the same man that commanded the Inquisition’s army and blushed at the mere mention of sex?  “Seriously, Cullen. Go with massage oils and long baths together and a good old-fashioned roll in the hay. I mean, I know she’s like a tornado of knives and anger, but she still appreciates those kinds of things.  Especially now when other things are so full of shite.” She paused thoughtfully. “You know, if you  _ really _ want to impress her, there are a few techniques I could teach you.  Ones I  _ know _ she likes. We talk, us.”

Cullen cleared his throat.  “I am not  _ entirely _ unfamiliar with... matters of physical love, Saoirse.”

Saoirse grinned wickedly.  “Well, good. You should feel free to show Lyra how familiar you are.  And if you really want to flip her lid you should try a Fen’Harel’s Favor.”

Cullen looked nervously over at her.  “I... am afraid to ask what that is.”

“Ever heard of an Orzammar Flip?”  Saoirse smiled widely.

“Maker’s Breath!”  Cullen flushed bright red again.  “...Really? She’d like that?”

“Oh yeah.  Go to it, Commander.”  Saoirse started getting up.  “Trust me.”

Cullen hastily got up to his feet, his templar training and old-fashioned manners compelling him to stand when a lady was standing.  “I... Thank you, Saoirse.” 

“Hey, no problem.”  Saoirse starting climbing back up her tree.  “Anything to keep up the Inquisition’s morale.”  She giggled. “Keeping it up. Ha, see what I did there?  I’m a delight.”

Cullen put his hand over his face.  “I... yes. I should let you get back to... whatever it is you’re doing.  I appreciate the advice.”

Saoirse laughed to herself.  She couldn’t wait to tell Sera about this.

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a fic/art trade with my wife who drew my Male Lavellan Inquisitor and Dorian for me. 
> 
> \--
> 
> With big thanks to Amanda Shinga Bussell from whom I borrowed the sex move names. Go check out her DA:I art, it’s DELIGHTFUL - https://artofshinga.tumblr.com/post/162534109587/nolis-mouth-catches-up-with-her-in-trespasser
> 
> (Spoilers for Tresspasser in the particular comic linked)


End file.
